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Is it so hard to just..

I wish I was a girlfriend to brag about. Just simple comments or post would make my day. But I guess my feelings don’t need that much attention. Like what’s so hard about just typing something out and posting it with confidence if they are your true feelings. It wouldn’t be so hard to just take some time out of your day to make a smile on my face instead of arguing with me about how you don’t need to show it cuz I already know you do. It just breaks my heart a little that you would waste your energy on arguing about it instead of just doing it to make me happy.. what’s so hard about it?

Close enough.

Welllllllllll. Where do I start? :) haha. Oh I know, when I first laid eyes on you……r legs! ;) lol. That’s when I knew I just had to get to know you. We were both on the same coed softball team and hey, God does things for a reason. I’m not going to lie. For about two months I had been praying to God for someone to just sweep me off my feet, and let’s just say you definitely go to it!! haha. I wasn’t expecting to fall like I did, it came out of nowhere! But I guess when you ain’t looking it just happens. ANYWAYS back to the beginning. Ha we both were bench buddies and not gonna lie I didn’t mind it. Ha we didn’t really get to really know each other until we actually started hanging out with our mutual friends. So be grateful because without them we would have never happened! I still remember when I had that little accident driving reverse with everyone in the car and I started freaking out! Running stop signs and shit haha. But when we were headed to your dad’s, I was just glad we got away. And I wanted to hug you and so I nervously but at the same time it was a Yolo moment and hugged you! And I felt all safe and sound. Well anyways. We all know you raped me the first time I ever really got to know you and blah blah blah. And I’m not gonna lie it was the absolute worst experience of life and I just wanted to get over it, so in my mind I was all cool about it and I didn’t want to make it weird between our whole group either. But for some reason when you started acting like you didn’t care or spend time with us because of me I started feeling offended and was like wtf. But in the back of my mind I wanted you to like me! But anyways. Our first dates were cool and stuff. It was actually my first like officially going on dates I guess. Like I never really liked going one on one with someone but I did it with me and that’s when I started liking you a bit more. And like it’s all a big blur I guess since it went by so fast I mean within 2 months of knowing each other we moved in together! Which was actually a great experience I mean we hardly fight, got to know each other even more and got used to all our daily habits. It made our relationship stronger and better than ever. I think the moment that I actually realized I genuinely loved you is when I almost lost you to my mistakes. I just couldn’t handle the thought of not being with you. I’m all tearing up right now. But that’s when I realized that you are the only one I want. And I know I hardly show it and stuff blah blah blah but I do. I wouldn’t have put up with you this long if I did! Trust me! But I got stuck to you like glue. And you are sooooooooo good to me. Well there have been times where you messed up but hopefully you have learned. They weren’t all totally bad. But think before you do next time! Anyways. I see us together for a long time. We have stayed together through what we’ve been through and I don’t think either one of us would want to lose one another. And that’s what makes us, us. That’s the amazing part, finding someone who loves you just as much as you love them. We just fit. I like to think of us as the notebook couple lol! Just sometimes. But I’m just glad God answered my prayer and brought me to you. You are hands down the most amazing boy I know. You make me so happy but unfortunately also to saddest. But mostly happy… duh! That’s what I love most, you try your best to make me happy and all the small things you do for me. And Petrie is a plus! :b haha. I have never ever ever ever ever gotten so comfortable with anybody else except you. I am not gonna lie when I first met you I didn’t actually think anything was gonna happy of us and I thought you were kinda ugly…. well not my type. But that’sbecause iwould compare everyone to one person. But little by little I’ve learned to love your face! And you’re the first boy to open my eyes and realize. So all in all just know that I love you so much!!!!!! Like you are the air I breathe. Anytime I’m away from you is time wasted. I feel safe, alive, myself, free, happy, and most importantly loved when I’m with you. I was living life all wrong before i met you! You make me feel some type of way! ;) lol jk but you are very important to me. You are my one and only! :) love you like crazy baaaaaabe! Hope you have a great day at work.
Ps. You better visit me today or some heads are turning!!
Pps: I hate you for making me wake up early to be sure you wake up early for work! That is not my job!
Ppps: is called close enough because to me you are close enough to perfect to me. Cuz nobody is really prefect except me. :)
Pppps: love you tootes! :*

Today had gone so horrible like I can’t even deal. First off, I woke up fine just with a minor headache. Then we go to dairy Queen and the fucking workers don’t even know how to do shit right. Like damn. just put me in a worse mood. Then I’m also hungry. Then we go to the movies and after the movies my dad calls me to tell me I got a ticket. Which made my day like ughh. Then deremy yells at me when all I wanna do is go home and lay down. It’s like ate you joking. It’s just all bundled up today that I cry. I just can’t take it anymore. I just wanted everything to just stop for like an hour. I just wanted to feel relaxed. So yeah. That was my day. Pretty shitty tuesday. Not to mention I wanted to go to the beach today and I didn’t get to go. I’m just gonna go die now….

And again..

Well.. what I thought was a good relationship.. wasn’t. Once again I’m heartbroken. And tonight I cry once again. The start of these nights again.. I really thought it would be different. It seemed perfect. I was happy, he was happy.  I dont see where it went wrong. But I can’t questions God’s doing. He’s peobably planning the perfect guy for me. I wanna think on the positive side. It’s just so hard. Since I really did trust someone else. It was my first time ever really letting my heart be held again by someone else. But sometimes when you care too much it doesnt end so well. Right now I’m listening to secondhand serenade to bring out any last tears to help me through the night. I just dont want to be hurt anymore.. I’m tired of it.i just don’t know what to believe when he says he still has feelings for me. And when he kept saying he loves me. People who love you wouldnt do that.. I just want to find peace again. I know time heals all.. but this has happened before and it took a long time. I just wish I wouldnt care so much and love with all I got. I just hope for the best for me.. I’m sure I’ll be fine in the end.. its just hurts.

I would like to wish a very happy birthday to the girl in the red, she’s such an amazing person and I’m super proud of what she’s done. Not only are you my best friend or “sister” but you are also my role model. You are smart, beautiful, and strong. All the qualities a woman should have. I love youuuu. 👭❤️ hope you have a great day, zeeee! #besties

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